She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
