Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
two words...techno handjob
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
