I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
