I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
