I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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