I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
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