There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
