She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
