someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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