Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
