dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
