Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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