You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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