My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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