Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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