i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
