Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
