fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
