Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
