Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
