i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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