I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
