I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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