you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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