I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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