Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
