I got chris browned last night
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
