we're blogging at a bar
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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