Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
