dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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