Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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