i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish you could order shots online.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
