white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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