her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
