The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
