Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
