This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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