You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
