If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
