Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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