i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
