You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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