Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Say something about gay babies.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
