I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Randomize
