or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
