Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize