How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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