Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
