his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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