Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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