I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
