Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
