I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
