Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
