i don't like sucking hair
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
