Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
