so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
