But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
