just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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