Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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