i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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