fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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