she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
