Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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