can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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