Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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