Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We left an ass print on the piano.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just forgot I was standing up.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
