I'm going to jail i love you
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
