my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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