Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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