ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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