Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
