i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
