You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize