Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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