you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
