I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
