It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
