awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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